- “The gene pool could use a little chlorine.”
- “Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.”
- “Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician”
- “If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?”
- “Forget about World Peace…..Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!”
- “He who laughs last thinks slowest”
- “Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.”
- “i souport publik edekasion”
- “We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.”
- “Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?”
- “Auntie Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, Taking the dog. -Dorothy.”
- “All generalizations are false.”
- “Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.”
- “Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.”
- “Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.”
- Seen on an old, beat-up car: “This is not an abandoned vehicle.”
- “Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death”
- “Cover me. I’m changing lanes.”
- “As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools”
- “The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.”
- “Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep”
- “All men are Idiots, and I married their King!”
- “Work is for people who don’t know how to fish”
- “Montana — At least our cows are sane!”
- “I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.”
- “Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.”
- “It’s as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.”
- “If you don’t like the news, go out and make some.”
- “I Brake For No Apparent Reason.”
- “When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.”
- “Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.”
- “I may be fat, but you’re ugly – I can lose weight!”
- “No Radio – Already Stolen”
- “Real women don’t have hot flashes, they have power surges.”
- “I took an IQ test and the results were negative.”
- “When there’s a will, I want to be in it!”
- “Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?”
- “Few women admit their age, Few men act it! “
- “I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!”
- “Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!”
- “Tell me to ‘Stuff It’ – I’m a taxidermist.”
- “IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got. “
- “Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all it’s students!”
- “It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.”
- “According to my calculations the problem doesn’t exist.”
- “Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.”
- “A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.”
- “How Can I Miss You if You Won’t Go Away?”
- Seen on a woman’s car: “Men call us birds, we pick up worms”
- “Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.”
- “Give me ambiguity or give me something else.”
- “We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?”
- “Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.”
- “Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.”
- “Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.”
- “Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.”
- “Why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?”
- “I like you, but I wouldn’t want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.”
- “I is a college student.”
- “Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.”
- “I’m out of bed and dressed, What more do you want?”
