Air Force Work Orders

These are some actual maintenance work orders submitted by US Air Force pilots, and the replies from the maintenance crews.

Problem: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
Solution: Almost replaced left inside main tire

Problem: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
Solution: Autoland not installed on this aircraft

Problem: #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
Solution: #2 Propeller seepage normal – #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage

Problem: The autopilot doesn’t.
Solution: It does now!

Problem: Something loose in cockpit
Solution: Something tightened in cockpit

Problem: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
Solution: Evidence removed

Problem: DME (Distance Measuring Equipment) volume unbelievably loud
Solution: Volume set to more believable level

Problem: Dead bugs on windshield
Solution: Live bugs on order

Problem: IFF (Identification Friend or Foe) inoperative
Solution: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
Solution: That’s what they’re there for

Problem: Number three engine missing
Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search

Problem: Aircraft handles funny
Solution: Aircraft warned to “straighten up, fly right, and be serious!”

Problem: Target Radar hums
Solution: Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics